I have over 23 different parts at the moment, so if it's all the same, I'd rather not go into too much about them individually. I can answer your other questions, though! ^_^
Many of my parts do front, but not all at the same time. Some keep things running more in the background while the others work by fronting.
Some parts will front to help me with relaxing after a tough day or week, while others will front to help me with other tasks (such as studying, goal-setting, distracting myself, reading for fun, etc). It all really just depends on what our needs are at the time, both internally and externally.
Usually I am very aware when my parts front, although it sometimes takes me a minute to discern which exact part, or parts, are in the front. There is one part in particular, however, who holds onto a lot of trauma and will frequently thwart any attempts to properly identify her. It's so bad that she doesn't even really have a name, just a number that she goes by. Maybe with additional time and trust she will be able to open up to me and my therapist more, but all the same, it can be nearly impossible for me to realize that she's fronting until perhaps a few weeks or a month has passed.
When fronting happens for me, my consciousness is still there, so I can still see everything that's going on and mostly remember it. That being said, as time passes, I can forget details of what other parts were doing out, including tasks that I accomplished or even what I was thinking or feeling at the time of doing or experiencing something. That's why I like to write and journal so much; because this helps me to remember.
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As for my stepmoms, I do have more than one, but that's because my dad married one of them and stayed married for a few years before divorcing her and marrying another woman. At first I was really upset about my dad leaving my first stepmom and I hated my second stepmom... but then, my second step mom treated me kindly and was considerate, even when I was being mean towards her. On a road trip we took to visit family one time, I remember feeling conflicted because I wanted to keep hating her, but I couldn't. After that trip, we got along a lot better, and I'm so glad to have both her and my first stepmom in my life. I don't talk as much with my first stepmom anymore, but we keep in contact and wish each other "Happy Birthday" when the time of year rolls around. I really do feel blessed to have a dad and two stepmoms that love me.
It does hurt to leave my mom out of the equation, but I need to remember that it's not my fault and that I am under no obligation to continue putting myself in harm's way and through mental distress for no good reason. I gave my mom countless chances to try and mend her ways and our relationship, but unfortunately giving her chances never amounted to anything except my getting hurt and pulled back into her world of possessiveness and co-dependency. For the sake of myself, my family, and any future partner that I may have, I need to let her go. If I must keep in contact with her, I think it will only be at a far distance, because she is unstable and can become lethally angry at any moment sometimes.
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Date: 2024-04-07 03:50 am (UTC)Many of my parts do front, but not all at the same time. Some keep things running more in the background while the others work by fronting.
Some parts will front to help me with relaxing after a tough day or week, while others will front to help me with other tasks (such as studying, goal-setting, distracting myself, reading for fun, etc). It all really just depends on what our needs are at the time, both internally and externally.
Usually I am very aware when my parts front, although it sometimes takes me a minute to discern which exact part, or parts, are in the front. There is one part in particular, however, who holds onto a lot of trauma and will frequently thwart any attempts to properly identify her. It's so bad that she doesn't even really have a name, just a number that she goes by. Maybe with additional time and trust she will be able to open up to me and my therapist more, but all the same, it can be nearly impossible for me to realize that she's fronting until perhaps a few weeks or a month has passed.
When fronting happens for me, my consciousness is still there, so I can still see everything that's going on and mostly remember it. That being said, as time passes, I can forget details of what other parts were doing out, including tasks that I accomplished or even what I was thinking or feeling at the time of doing or experiencing something. That's why I like to write and journal so much; because this helps me to remember.
- - - - - - - - - - -
As for my stepmoms, I do have more than one, but that's because my dad married one of them and stayed married for a few years before divorcing her and marrying another woman. At first I was really upset about my dad leaving my first stepmom and I hated my second stepmom... but then, my second step mom treated me kindly and was considerate, even when I was being mean towards her. On a road trip we took to visit family one time, I remember feeling conflicted because I wanted to keep hating her, but I couldn't. After that trip, we got along a lot better, and I'm so glad to have both her and my first stepmom in my life. I don't talk as much with my first stepmom anymore, but we keep in contact and wish each other "Happy Birthday" when the time of year rolls around. I really do feel blessed to have a dad and two stepmoms that love me.
It does hurt to leave my mom out of the equation, but I need to remember that it's not my fault and that I am under no obligation to continue putting myself in harm's way and through mental distress for no good reason. I gave my mom countless chances to try and mend her ways and our relationship, but unfortunately giving her chances never amounted to anything except my getting hurt and pulled back into her world of possessiveness and co-dependency. For the sake of myself, my family, and any future partner that I may have, I need to let her go. If I must keep in contact with her, I think it will only be at a far distance, because she is unstable and can become lethally angry at any moment sometimes.