~ I love you ~

I'm shocked with how easy it was to get this position. It was all about knowing who I know. I have two co-workers who migrated over to this place from my ex-job and they were able to vouch for me and get me a position at the new place! It's gonna be my first time working a ways from where I live, but it sounds so worth it. The management here sounds like they actually care about the children they serve and they do their best to work with staff and clients alike. This sounds like heaven to me, and I know it won't be the same all the time given the population we work with, but I have faith that this might actually work out in ways I never could have imagined. I'm so thankful to be employed again, I really am. You have no idea what being out of work for two months straight can do to you until you've actually gone through it. I'm so thankful, I can't stress that enough. And for those who are curious, I'm working in another group home with foster kids. Same job, different company.

And right as I was given the job (which I didn't even need to interview for, by the way) Walmart called me to inquire about interviewing me, so I think I dodged a bullet with that one too. I'd hate to work at a Walmart if other options were available, especially since Black Friday will be here before we know it. Yeesh.

Hello friends. I have some really good news to share. I ended up getting a full-time job somewhere and now I won't have to worry about having no money for bills anymore. I'm trying to control my joy at the moment since I'm still not completely out of the woods yet for this month, but I most definitely feel more at peace than I have in months. I wish I could give myself a hug right now to express just how happy that I am. I guess that I could, but instead, I think I'd like to try doing something that brings me peace.

I'm going to try to knit myself a rag doll of sorts that looks somewhat like Raggedy Ann. It's a task that will take some time and will need patience, but I'm willing to put in the work and wait as I do so. I just really feel like I want to make something with lots of love right now. I think that's what this doll I'm trying to make deserves anyways. To be made with love and given a hypothetical spirit that is born of joy and hope is something that would be so incredibly wonderful, wouldn't you say?

I forget if I mentioned this already or not, but I think lots of things have spirits. Maybe not souls in every case, but spirits, which are different in a way that is hard to explain. It's one of those great mysteries of life, I guess. But yes, creating things with my own hands with good intentions and love in every knitted stitch is something I love to do. It's one of the next best things after journaling for me.

...And shout out to my family and friends for giving me the courage to never give up, even when I thought that I couldn't get myself another job. I tried despite the odds and proved myself wrong. I'm so thankful for that. Hugs and kisses to everyone who would like one. You all deserve the world.

Hello everyone. I hope you've all been doing well. Personally, I've been doing okay, all things considered. I had to humble myself by asking for help at a couple of places recently, but the roof didn't fall on my head yet, so I'm counting my blessings as I continue to take things one day at a time.

I re-applied for some governmental assistance and also visited a local charitable organization to see if I could get some free food (and I did). It felt a little weird being on the receiving end of these kinds of services, but I'm thankful that I was able to get any help at all. And besides, it really helped me to understand what others go through with regards to seeking assistance. I know it's not easy, but to actually experience need puts things into a deeper perspective, you know?

In any case, I'm just waiting for unemployment to contact me again with regards to my benefits and eligibility. Once I get that out of the way, I should be able to pay my rent for this month and afford other upcoming bills as well. And as for my new job, I should be getting paid for the first time at some point during the month. While I don't expect my first check to be very much, it will at least get the ball rolling on future paychecks. That being said, I got my onboarding processes out of the way quickly, so I'm expecting a big bonus after 30 days of working.

This is all to say that I'm still hanging onto hope. It's difficult being in a position like this, but I know it won't be forever. Eventually, I'll be done with graduate school and I'll be able to get a better paying job that won't be as difficult as the jobs I've had to work up to this point. I just need to continue taking things one day at a time and remember that graduate school will be over before I know it.

I think it's a good idea to keep a positive attitude in situations like this, if possible. If I go into it with a defeatist attitude, there's a higher probability that I won't make it. But even if I can't stay positive all of the time, at least staying mindful of the things I can do as opposed to only the things that I can't do is what has kept me afloat the most.

That being said, I've been having a lot of trouble unwinding and relaxing. I've done literally everything that I can do at this point, so there's nothing left to do except to let fate take its course. Some might call that "leaving it all in God's hands" and that's something I've always struggled with. I've always been the type of person to try and control everything, because I've only ever been able to fully depend on myself for help or to get anything done. Alas, I am only human, so I can't get everything done on my own. Everybody needs help sometimes. So I've been trying to leave this in God's hands. Sometimes I find that writing out prayers in my prayer journal is very helpful for that sort of thing. It helps me to meditate on God and also keep things in perspective. I don't have to do this all alone, nor should I have to.

Anyways, that's my update for today. Again, I hope you're all doing well yourselves.

I think I might have a bad luck fairy following me around and causing me issues. I haven't gotten any callbacks on the multiple jobs that I interviewed for, and when it comes to therapy, I got some bad news last week. My therapist is taking a step back from private practice due to some family issues that have come up. It's going to be for 3-6 months, and so I got referred to another therapist in the meantime... but I don't think that arrangement will work out in the long-term. She's not that skilled when it comes to DBT and personality disorders, and she also is reportedly uncomfortable with discussing sex and sexuality topics. That's a major red flag for me, especially considering the type of traumas that I'm working with. So I'm currently looking for another therapist on my own. Thankfully, teletherapy exists, because there aren't many therapists in my area that are experienced in the areas I need them to be, and the ones who are aren't accepting any new patients at this time.

I found one therapist that is trauma-informed and trained in IFS, EMDR, and DBT. She does teletherapy in my state of residence, and it looks like she's accepting new clients right now. So I'm going to see if perhaps she'll accept my insurance and be willing to take me on as a client. It's not going to be the same as being in an office when getting my therapy, but this is better than nothing I guess. Besides, while teletherapy has its downsides, I think it's more convenient when it comes to me getting to my sessions on time. Maybe this is for the best, in that case... still, it's just my luck that I would lose my original therapist right now.