~ I love you ~

Two days ago, I was browsing around at my local bookstore, as one does, and I happened across a book that I've seen on the shelf for years now. It's called "The Boy Who Was Raised As a Dog" by Bruce D. Perry, PhD. I never read the book because it looked like a thick book filled with things that wouldn't really help me on my life journey. This wasn't based on very much since I never bothered to actually open the book, but for some reason this time I decided that I ought to look at the insides of the book. I think that the title of the book is what encouraged me to give the book a chance. I feel a strong connection to the notion of being raised as less than an animal in some ways, so I opened the book and started to read parts of two or three chapters. I was mostly scanning the pages rather than taking my time to really read them because some of the content seemed a little text-heavy for me to be reading while in a bookstore, but what I did read did pull me in a significant amount. I found myself deeply invested in what I was reading and knew that I had to continue, so I bought the book in question and continued reading it as much as my attention would allow for me to.

I get the feeling that this is going to be another important book for me, like when I read "Scared Selfless" and "Beautiful Justice" (both triggering books, so be careful please) and so I'm going to try to read it from cover to cover with my highlighters in hand. What gives me the feeling that this is going to be an important read is the fact that I am already seeing my brain gears turn rapidly whenever I pick up the book to read it. The first time, it was because I saw my birth name in the book and started to feel myself have a stronger connection to that name, rather than trying to distance myself from the name. For someone who has felt for years like I don't deserve to have a name, that's a big deal. And the second time I started to read the book, I read a paragraph essentially saying that the therapist writing the book should get to know more about his patient rather than her symptoms. That prompted me to sit down and write more about the girl I used to be. Who was she? What did she like to do? What were her favorite books? Who was six to eight-year-old Miinky? After writing out my answer to that question, I remembered more about my early childhood than I had remembered in years. I could have continued on to write about my pre-teen years, but I got tired and decided to save that for another day.

I really appreciate this book because it's so compelling that it gives me the willpower to push away my phone for a while to sit down and read in silence, as nature intended. I usually have problems with focusing because of my damn phone or the music that's on it, so to have something be so interesting that I can keep it away for an hour or two is really impressive. And if I am able to keep up that momentum in my reading habits, perhaps I will be able to go on to read more books that take less effort to pay attention to, such as children's literature from my childhood. I have some book series that I've yet to finish reading (like the Warrior cats series and Guardians of Ga'hoole) and others that I'd like to revisit as an adult.

Part of me wonders if perhaps I'm trying to drown myself in books too much. Part of me wonders if I ought to be making more of an effort to leave the house or associate with friends like an extroverted person... but then, when I think about it a little more, I realize that it's not a defect for me to be an introvert. This entire time, I thought I was an ambivert (someone who is both introverted and extroverted), but I suppose that I'm just an introvert who can be extroverted from time to time in social situations... anyways, I think surrounding myself with books is fine, and everyone's socialization needs (including my own) are different. I think I'll be okay, even if my life doesn't look exactly like the lives of other people on TV and in movies.

Back in Autumn of 2021, I came across some magazines at one of my local bookstores. They are "Bella Grace Magazine" and "Field Guide to Everyday Magic". Bella Grace is a magazine filled with a lot of wistfully beautiful entries from readers and sometimes journal prompts too. As for the Field Guide to Everyday Magic, made by the same company, those books are simply guided journals that are released periodically. I think that the covers, contents, and prompts are all so wonderful that I can hardly stop myself from purchasing each new magazine that comes out! Now, while this sounds great, it is a bit of a problem for me. You see, I currently have five issues of Bella Grace Magazine and three issues of the Field Guides... and I still want to get more of them because they're just so pretty! The problem, though, is that I haven't even finished reading or writing in even one of the books I have completely. So I'm basically buying the magazines only to put them on my shelf to collect dust. That's not fair to my wallet OR to the magazines that I buy.

Call me strange, but I like to believe that even books and magazines have some kind of spirit in them, made more vibrant by people reading their contents. That's why I like to buy used books when possible; because there's more of a chance that they were well loved. In fact, I'd rather buy books that are "Acceptable" in condition rather than "Like New". I LOVE books with bent and watered pages, tattered covers, and the smell of someone else's home inside of them. And if I'm not buying used, I'd rather read from the library too, because even those books have stories to tell about where they've been and all the sights they've seen, courtesy of the readers who came before me. Granted, I can't actually hear the books, but the sentiment of their whereabouts is still there all the same. So when I place a book or magazine on my shelf to be neglected for months or years at a time, I'm doing a great disservice to them. In essence, I feel that I'm making them feel unwanted. Books are not meant simply for decoration, they are meant to be read and consumed; to help develop us in ways that we didn't even know were possible. All of those lessons are waiting for me to grab, but because I neglect the books and magazines in question, I'm stagnated in my growth just that much more.

I know that these circumstances are unfavorable, especially considering all of the free time I happen to have, but there is a way for me to rectify this! I'm always trying to read more, so why not start with these magazines that I happen to love so much? My plan moving forward is for me to start reading the magazines and books currently on my shelf until I'm finished with them. Then I can do with those magazines what I will, whether that be transcribing some of their contents into another notebook for future reference, or simply selling them on eBay for someone else to enjoy (provided I haven't written in them directly). I think that would be a splendid idea and something that could bring me a lot of growth and joy. Because of the magazines I'd like to start off with, I'll be calling this the "Bella Grace Reading Challenge". I'd like to see how many of these magazines I can finish before the end of the year. Oh, and to keep me motivated, I think I'm going to start keeping a reading log of the books that I consume. Finally, planning times to read in my schedule would be a good idea too so I can commit to being off of my phone at those times.