tuesday_morning: (Autumn Power)


My name is Rowynn and I am someone who wants to do more with only a little.

What I mean by that is that I want to be less wasteful with money and resources, and I want to find more ways to enjoy life without having to spend money. It sounds simple enough in theory, but for me it's much different when you're actually trying to make that theory become a reality. Still, I have to try if I want this kind of change to happen, right?

My first goal is to start managing my finances more frugally. I'm still in a rough place with trying to pay my bills and all, and I voiced my concerns to one of my doctors today, who asked about my eating habits. I admitted to her that it's difficult to eat healthy when you can't afford to buy food, and she suggested that I look at local food banks to see if I could get food from there. I forgot that food banks were a thing, so now I'm looking at every food bank near me, and there's actually a lot of them. If I plan things out correctly, I could probably be swimming in healthy foods for the month, specifically because this includes local churches distributing food as "food banks" too. This would also be a no-cost way for me to start learning how to cook food on my own instead of buying processed foods all the time. I could do meal prepping and finally get to a place where I'm eating like I'm supposed to instead of risking malnutrition.

And then there are the no-spending activities I could be doing. A lot of it consists of using what I already have, so using my yarn to crochet, coloring in Dollar Store coloring books, or playing on my 3DS. And if I want any other ideas, I have a book dedicated to a list of no-spend activity ideas that I could do when I have free time. And I'm also hustling to try and find a potential second job or increase my shifts at this current job I have. I'm even willing to work double shifts if needed to get four or five shifts of work a week. At the end of the day, I'm just trying to have enough to save so I can live comfortably without worry. Not spending would also be great for my bipolar symptoms, since reckless spending is unfortunately something I struggle with during my hypomanic episodes.

At the end of the day, I just want to be able to be a more effective adult, you know?
tuesday_morning: (Chii)
 
✩ Miss Motivation ✩

I usually do not go back to read older entries I have written, but for this one I have decided to briefly do so. I've been having a really rough go of my attention span lately, and now I believe I understand why that is. I have Bipolar II disorder, meaning that sometimes I have depressive episodes and sometimes I have hypomanic episodes, which are less intense and are shorter than manic episodes (which only occur in Bipolar I disorder). With my attention span, I believe it was aggravated by a hypomanic episode that I'm still currently in. I was trying so hard to focus on things and it wasn't working, making me feel frustrated and angry at myself. Well, then all of a sudden I started to clean my room... then my bathroom... then my closets... then the entire kitchen, including THOSE cabinets... and so forth. Basically, over the span of four days, I've been cleaning like a madwoman all in my house and my car might be next honestly. It felt like scratching an intense itch and afterwards I felt so accomplished and clean and like I could breathe in my surroundings again. I also may have spent a little more than I should have (it is a hypomanic episode after all) but it wasn't as bad as it could have been thankfully. Other notable events that have happened include:

I got in contact with several other co-workers who also left my workplace and they're trying to put in words for me at their new jobs to help me leave.

I contacted my dad again and wrote him two heartfelt letters, which I haven't done in awhile, though I've wanted to.

I contacted two of my cousins again, whom I haven't talked to in years. I came out to them about my name change and why I did it, and they were both so supportive and loving about it. I was so scared they would hate me or maybe had a distaste for me anyways because of old family drama involving our parents, but no, I was wrong... and I'm glad I gave them the chance to prove themselves as still loving me instead of continuing to make assumptions and shut myself away.

I've been fostering online friendships a bit more, which makes my heart smile.

I've been learning how to make peace with my surroundings by working with the energy of my house to make it more habitable. I've started trying to respect my belongings more and take better care of them, getting rid of that which I no longer needed to give my living space some room. And I also opened windows and blinds to allow sunlight inside. Finally, I used room sprays and candles to clear the air a bit more too, and rang a tiny hand bell around the room to help "wake the room up".

I spent almost five hours at the library the other day without using electronics and it was AMAZING. I felt so free in that moment.

I'm taking inventory of all books I have, digital, physical, or library books. This is to make a reading list later on and choose one book at a time for consumption.

I'm getting ready to explore the mindset of another part who has long since been silent with me. How blessed I am that she is letting me close enough to get to know her now.

As a result of all of the above, I feel different... and maybe it won't last forever, but in this point in time, I feel at peace... This is the calmest hypomanic episode I have ever had. I'm physically calm, breathing evenly, focused, and even able to meditate properly for two to three minutes at a time, which is usually impossible otherwise... I'm just so glad I'm doing things again. I wish I could let myself stay this motivated and productive for myself and my goals. It may not last forever, but maybe there is some way that I could help the motivation AND the actual taking of action to stay. Still figuring it out, but... in the meantime, it's all about being in the present and being mindful of everything that encompasses.
tuesday_morning: (Default)
 

I've been motivating myself for weeks now to be doing awesome stuff. I want to draw, read, exercise, make videos, sell stuff, and talk more often to my family members. So much to do! But ironically, I end up doing NONE of it because I overwhelm myself with it all. It feels like being surrounded by several TV programs at once, or like being served several types of DELICIOUS food. In both instances, there's a ton to choose from but you can only choose one at a time. This frustrates me so, in the end, I do nothing and default to sleeping. I wish I wouldn't sleep my life away and do nothing, so I'm switching gears to try and be better.

Today I made a master list of things I want to get done this week. Kept it basic and to the point. But I'm doing this thing as well where I'm using differently colored index cards and I'm elaborating more on each point more to be more specific about what I need to get done. Here's what I mean:

Master List:
  1. Appointments (White Index: List all appointments for this week)
  2. Exercise (Green Index: Research how to do exercises, create an exercise routine, Exercise for 30 min to 1 hr daily)
  3. Goal Setting (Yellow Index: Create lists of financial / personal / mental health goals, Do spending tracking)
  4. Reading (Blue Index: Read a book for 1 hour, list book in reading log)
  5. Cooking (Pink Index: Take inventory of all my food, use SuperCook to find recipes, Practice cooking, Read about nutrition, Create a meal plan for the week using MyPlate method)
  6. Communicate with Loved Ones (Purple Index: Text/Call [insert list of family members here])
The index cards help me to NOT put everything on the same paper, because when I do that, I get super overwhelmed. It's organized chaos now, and I feel more likely than ever to actually get stuff done. I've already done some tasks under the subsection of cooking, so who knows what else I could be doing?

This is all to say that I want to hold myself accountable and not give myself anymore excuses.
tuesday_morning: (Default)


Task Management Rules (06/27/2024)

OBJECTIVE: Complete homework by 11:59pm on June 30, 2024

MATERIALS NEEDED: Laptop, Pomodoro Timer, Music, Snacks, Break activities



INSTRUCTIONS

1. Set up study space in a quiet and calm environment

2. Select a music playlist that will keep you engaged (no lyrics!)

3. If possible, motivate yourself with a reward once the homework is complete.

4. Have plenty of healthy snacks ready and available for every 10 to 30 minute break that you take.

5. Set a specific amount of maximum study time per day and stick to it!
(Suggested: 3 hours maximum)

6. Mark and list every accomplishment you make while studying, including completing a subsection of an essay or reading an assigned article.

7. Review what is left to do for homework and continue tomorrow as necessary until all homework has been completed.



TROUBLESHOOTING

>> If your mind wanders, take a break for 5 minutes to meditate in silence.
>> If mind does not settle, jot down the pestering thoughts to attend to later.
>> If mind still does not settle, take a 10 minute break to stand up and walk around.

>>Under no circumstances are you to quit studying prematurely. Breaks are allowed, but abandoning the task will not help.



Happy Studying! You can do it!


tuesday_morning: (Default)
"Secrets keep you sick." This is something that I have known to be true for myself for the past several years now, and yet secrets I have continued to keep until now. I would keep secret my true feelings and my true identity from friends and work associates for a majority of my life until very recently, despite having this knowledge. Perhaps I just was not ready to be truthful with myself and others at the time, but as of recently, something within has changed. Now instead of being quiet and meek, I am beginning to tear down the barriers within myself to authenticity. That means that I am no longer hiding behind the mask of having no discernible personality traits that belong solely to myself, but rather developing my own sense of Self that feels like it's authentically my own.

I wonder if these changes are being brought upon by my brain's development. They say that your brain completely develops in your mid-twenties, so perhaps this is the case with me. I have said this before, but these days I feel more present and "awake" than I have been in my entire life. Much of my life prior to this point feel like a fog that I have distanced and dissociated myself from. The further back you go, the more dreamlike and unreal the past feels. It's unfortunate, but I shall not mourn for too long over these fading pictures in my mind. Not when there is still so much life I've yet to live.

As I prepare to enter my 28th year of life, I've decided upon the fact that I have been stagnant for far too long. I wish to be more adventurous this upcoming year, and for me that means going out of my way to try new things. I want to be able to explore more of the following things with reckless abandon:
  • Movies that I have never seen (Documentaries, Animated movies, Indie films, Mainstream movies, etc.)
  • Music by artists that I haven't heard before AND music in different languages
  • Music genres that I haven't explored in a long time or ever
  • TV Shows that I've yet to see that I have wanted to explore
  • Manga of the "18+" variety AND manga I haven't read in general
  • Books that are adult fiction, poetry, mystery, thrillers, etc.
  • Tasting and cooking foods that I haven't tried in the past
  • Drawing more artwork in an experimental sort of way
  • Writing in different genres of writing and finishing short projects (poetry, fiction, non-fiction, etc.)
  • Creating paintings for fun
  • Crocheting and finishing at least one project
I want to learn and create so much, now that it feels like i'm finally alive and present for my own life. I want to make this a life worth living, but in order to do that, I first need to start living. These are small steps I can start taking to start living my life the way that I want to... The fact that I have a way that I want to live my own life is astonishing as well. I never used to want for anything before and simply blew with the wind, but not anymore. I feel like an actual person now. What a blessing, truly.

Here is to life!
tuesday_morning: (Ponko)
In the aftermath of my interactions with the part that refers to herself with a number rather than a name, I've discovered yet another part who is the exact opposite of the number part. Her name is Ponko and she's a very interesting person. I don't know all that much about her yet except to say that she's a very happy person who tries to keep me and others in my system happy and content. Whenever I see her in my head, she's making silly faces or doing cartwheels to express herself and keep me smiling. I think she's very endearing, to the point where if I could hug her, I absolutely would. I'm looking forward to getting to know her better.

Now... as for therapy, my therapist is glad to see that I've overcome the episode of post-traumatic anxiety and depression that I was struggling with when I initially met her. Now that I feel more present in myself, my therapist has suggested that perhaps we try to ease into using EMDR to treat some of my trauma symptoms. I think it's a good idea, especially because we won't be starting with the more extreme and repressed traumas first. Instead, we'll be working with traumas that I can still remember but that aren't quite as impactful today as the other more implicit traumas I have. I agree that easing into it sounds like a good idea because it will keep me from becoming so overwhelmed that I start to dissociate and not be able to continue with the sessions as needed. I know it's nothing that's my fault or even the therapist's fault, but when I dissociate during EMDR, I can't help but blame myself for it not going "right". But I need to remember that my brain is meant to protect me, not work strictly with a treatment timetable (though I wish this were the case!).

I got myself a new journal too, by the way. I can't help myself and always buy new ones before finishing the old ones... but in my defense, this notebook is a limited time only sort of notebook. Anyways, I want to fill it with things that "spark joy" inside of me, whether those entries are plans on me de-cluttering what I don't want or need, or entries about literally anything else that makes me feel joyful. I might even add entries that are based on magazine articles that I read from that Bella Grace Magazine that I'm always gushing about.


Moving forward, I want to do the following:
  • I want to learn more about finances, which will help me feel more financially secure and contribute to my happiness
  • Spend more time doing activities that I love or would like to explore
  • Spend less time using my electronics
  • Finish school assignments as soon as possible so I can relax the rest of the week
tuesday_morning: (Me)
I was going through some of my older posts here on Dreamwidth and I made a realization. I do a lot of goal-setting and writing about how I want things to change, but when it comes to actually making change happen, that's another story. It's not that I'm not motivated, but more that there's too many goals to focus on at once for me. It overwhelms me and, in the flurry of all these ideas, I end up losing sight of half the goals I wanted to achieve. It's a bit annoying, in all honesty, but I think I've got a solution for this issue. I think what I need is a planner; perhaps a pen and paper planner that I can write entries in on the daily. I could write my overall goal for the week at the top, then for each day I can write a task list for ordinary things I do, but also include tasks that would help me to achieve the overall goal of the week.

I've never been able to keep a paper planner because I usually got the ones from the Dollar Tree, and those don't exactly have the most space to write in. Not only that, but I never had a plan on how to write entries in them. Hopefully this time will be different. I'm going to look at entry examples online and see if a paper planner would be best for me. If so, that's great. If not, however, I could try to do it digitally instead. I just want to give the paper version another chance because anything that helps me to separate from my phone overuse is worth trying.

tuesday_morning: (Muslim)


Things I'd Like to Start Doing

1. I want to take five minutes out of my day every day to sit with myself in silence, meditating.

2. I want to spend at least one hour a day without using my phone or listening to music.

3. I want to use more of my time for reading books.

4. I want to spend more time reading lighthearted books, not self-help books.

5. I want to do more reflective journaling based on what I'm reading, watching, or listening to.

6. I want to start keeping up with my homework more by reviewing all assignments on the first day of class and planning accordingly.

7. I want to keep record of which part is present during the day, what interests they are pursuing, and what they do during their entire day.

8. I want to save more money by making a budget for fun money and keeping the rest for savings and bills.

9. I want to do a challenge where I don't spend ANY money on non-essentials for an entire week. Then two weeks. Then three weeks. Etc.

10. I want to make more out of my internship experience, so I'm going to start making more attempts to participate in agency activities on my days off.

11. I want to practice self-regulation in ways that matter to me. I want to make a coping-skills kit and list to refer to every time that I need to.

12. I want to make battle plans with my new therapist that I can do between sessions. In other words: I want therapy homework.

13. I want to reflect more regularly on WHY I do the things that I do.

14. I want to drive in silence with my windows down more often.

15. I want to take more walks around and throughout my neighborhood.

16. I want to participate in more library activities and maybe be a volunteer as well from time to time.

17. I want to visit my dad more often, and maybe my mom too.

18. I want to start tracking the books that I read again in a journal.

19. I want to go through ALL of my belongings to see what I have and think of how I can either use them or donate them.

20. I want to learn to be happy with what I have rather than reaching for what I don't have and don't need.

tuesday_morning: (Mii-Chan)
 

A belated Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to everyone I know here on Dreamwidth! This year sure has been something, for better or worse, but we all made it. That's something to celebrate.

This year, I lost a job but I also got new positions afterwards, so I'm grateful for that. I'm not homeless right now and I have food, so that's something else I want to be thankful for. Also, I have friends and family that have been here for me when times were the toughest. That's something that has helped me to see that I don't have to be doing life all on my own, like I've been trying to do this entire time. Maybe this upcoming year, I should spend more time paying everyone back for all they've done for me. As a matter of fact, I think I'm going to make a list of my goals for 2024.

MY GOALS FOR 2024
  • Spend more time with my friends and family
  • Finish a "Read What You Own" reading challenge
  • Put away a good amount of money in savings
  • Pay off my financial debts
  • Graduate from graduate school to become a social worker
  • Become more financially literate
  • Learn to coordinate meals at home
  • Become more assertive and less unsure of myself
What are some of your goals for 2024?
tuesday_morning: (Witch Spirit)
 

These days, I seem to be only running on steam and hope. Things have been looking bleak for me for five months now, and it's been frightening having to live one day to the next not knowing how I'm going to make ends meet. But, being my parents' child, I know I can't give up just yet. As long as I'm alive and breathing, I have to keep trying as hard as I can to make things work. That being said, I got more news that might help me out moving forward.

I have a job interview for a full-time position set up for this afternoon, and regarding having an internship, another agency just got back to me about wanting to consider me for a position with them. Because my school has to be the one that approves my internship site, I can still interview with this other agency. The first place I interviewed with was a hospice place, and this second organization is one that works with human trafficking survivors. Of all the potential internship places I could go, I want to go to the one that works with human trafficking survivors the most. I know that kind of work might be the most trying for me to commit to, but that's all the more reason for me to attempt to work with them. I need to challenge myself now before I'm in the thick of the profession as an MSW (master of social work). Not only that, but I have strong ties to this population on a personal level. I want to be able to help and give back where I can in this instance.

Here's to hoping that I meet my goals and that I can get that job that I'm trying to interview for today.
tuesday_morning: (Rowen)


Yesterday I came to the realization that, due to different kinds of traumas I've gone through, I'm embarrassed to let other people know what I'm really like and who I really am, especially in offline spaces. Online, it's much easier because you have the cover of anonymity on your side... yet, even in that instance, there's a downside to only showing people what you want to show them. When people don't know the real you, you deprive yourself and others of the joy of getting to really know who you are.

For me, my biggest struggle comes from not being able to share what I'm truly passionate about with others, or even share what my true thoughts and feelings on some things are. Whenever people ask me even about small things like what my favorite shows and music are, I freeze up, not knowing how to answer. Surely, I can't tell them what my actual interests are, because when I do that, I feel naked and exposed. I feel like people will judge me or make fun of me if they get to know who I really am, either in front of me or behind my back. Living in a space where I'm always hiding is miserable. Someday, I want to live a life where I can be confident in who I am and not have to worry about what others think of me... but it's going to be a pretty tough battle on my part, especially if I try to do this alone.

If I really want to get to a place where people can know me, I think I'll need to let other people help me. Not just professionals, but friends. I shouldn't have to go through my life struggles alone, nor should anyone else. I think maybe practicing the art of friendship will be something that will really help me, but I hardly know where to start. I already have some friends, many of which are very loving and understanding, but I never know how to properly foster those friendships, except in online spaces. But maybe I'm thinking about this too hard. Maybe all I have to do is learn how to be myself and remember to help and support my friends when I can. Could it possibly be that simple?

Learning how to properly socialize is hard, but I think I can do it. I just have to try.
tuesday_morning: (Witch Spirit)
 

There's a book that I ran into again at my local bookstore. It's called "When Women Were Birds" by Terry Tempest Williams. I never finished reading the book, but I seek to fix that. From what I read, though, the book begins with the passing of the author's mother. The mother leaves her diaries to her daughter to be read after she passes, and once she passes, her daughter looks at the diaries only to realize that they are all empty. It is unknown why the mother leaves her empty diaries to her daughter, but something about the experience is so moving that the daughter takes the empty diaries and begins to write in them herself.

Now, I'm someone that journals, but I don't know that I'm a person that actually keeps a diary... what is the difference between the two anyways? I'm certain that I'm not sure, but regardless, I think I would like to keep a diary of my own; a record of my deepest and innermost perceptions of the world as told by the ongoings and reflections on my everyday life, no matter how mundane the activities that take place are. How long will I keep this diary for? I'm not sure. I hope for it to be a long-term activity that I do, but you never know where my attention will take me.

I won't put too many rules on this project of mine, but I would like to challenge myself to fill the contents of a nice diary by using my mindfulness skills. By being mindful of my actions and of the world around me, I'll be able to have a better time writing down what I notice and the insights that I can come to... but, this won't come without its challenges. I'm constantly plugging my ears with music, and that's a problem if I want to be mindfully present in the moment, because I'm distracted and "doing two things at once". In my DBT class, we're being taught that doing two things at once doesn't allow us to truly be mindful, so I'll have to cut back on the music. I could replace it with audiobooks or simply silence. Either of those would be better than the music... though ideally, it would be silence.

Anyways, I hope to start my journal today or tomorrow. I hope it all goes well and that I'm able to look at the world with "new eyes" instead of just glancing over the mundane like I happen to do when I'm tuned out of the world.
tuesday_morning: (Mii-Chan)

It's official! I secured an internship with a local hospice place! I placed some calls to different four different agencies last week and the first place I called accepted me. I had a good feeling about it when I was first on the phone with the woman who is in charge of internships with them. She had a very jovial and casual way of talking on the phone with me, plus she was already talking to me as if I had the position already, so that's what tipped me off. Anyways, I went in to talk to her in person today and confirmed that I got the spot. I thought it was going to be a more formal interview, but nope. She basically just gave me some paperwork to fill out for the position (for formality's sake) and then we spent the next half hour chatting away about social work-related topics. It was very informal, but I'm totally okay with that. She said that I could bring back the paperwork closer to when my internship start date would be, that they would do my TB test, and that I would be probably doing a one-on-one orientation with the MSW who would be supervising me.

I'm nothing short of excited. I was worried I wouldn't be able to get a position anywhere, but it looks like I was wrong and I'm going to be okay after all. Internship starts in January of 2024 and ends in August of 2024. I'm almost there! I just need to keep my eyes on the prize here. And apparently the hours with this place are incredibly flexible and can include weekends, so I'll be able to have a good work schedule as well as time to devote to my internship. It's a really good deal, all things considered.

Sending everyone hugs right now!
tuesday_morning: (Witch Spirit)

So, in case y'all don't know, I'm a graduate student in a social work program at an online university. I've had to put my studies on hold because of life events and unemployment, but now I'm preparing to get back in the game. I've finished all of the coursework involved to obtain my degree, I just need to do an internship to get my required hours to graduate. I'm looking forward to starting my internship because I know I'm going to get a lot out of it. I'm hoping to get in at a place that works with seniors so I can get more experience doing casework, plus it's always good to help those who have come before us and have much experience and wisdom to offer in their own ways. Besides, I've worked with adolescents and children already in the past. I want to branch out to older populations too for a well-rounded experience.

And then comes graduation. Sweet, sweet graduation day. When that time comes, I want to fly out to my university's main campus to do the walk for my diploma. That's the ultimate goal, because I feel like I actually EARNED this degree. Undergrad was okay, but I felt more pressured than anything by my family while I was an undergrad. As a graduate student, though, I chose to go back to school of my own volition, I did all of my work with serious intent, and I've been doing what I can to forward my career to change my community for the better. This graduation is going to be the one that actually counts in my book, so I want to be there physically if I can. But if not, that's okay too. I could always have my diploma mailed to me and I'd still be just as fulfilled.

After graduation, I hope to make the transition to a master's-level position somewhere in my community where I can help others but also make an actual living wage. I want to make enough money to where I can afford a place of my own and also save a good amount of money for emergencies and other such things. And if I'm feeling really daring, I might even start saving up to go on a vacation somewhere. Maybe I'd visit Canada, go to a weekend conference somewhere, or attend a political demonstration for a cause that I really believe in and want to see change for. There's just so much potential that I could achieve once I obtain my master's degree... and hopefully with more experience, I'll start to feel more confident in my work that I end up pursuing my license to become an LCSW (Licensed Clinical Social Worker). They get compensated handsomely, I hear, plus they can have their own private practice as therapists, if that's the road I want to go down.

I am such a dreamer, and I love that about me. My dreams don't seem too far-fetched in this moment, though I wonder how much bigger I could be thinking if I believed that I actually could do bigger things?

Anyways, I've been calling different internship sites to see where I might be able to get my internship hours. I'll be interning for about eight months, I believe. Once again, I feel very excited about this and hope for the best. Hopefully I can get a local internship, otherwise I'm looking at drives about an hour away from where I live. Still, it will all be worth it in the end. I just have to stick with it.

Thanks for listening everyone!
tuesday_morning: (Witch Spirit)

Hey everyone, it's Mii again! I'm making a new post to give an update on my "Bella Grace Reading Challenge" as well as a few other challenges that have come to mind for me recently.

With regards to the reading challenge I've created for myself, it's going pretty good so far. I've been carrying the Bella Grace magazine and the "Field Guide to Everyday Magic" magazine with me whenever I go outside, and whenever I get down time, I sit down to read the contents of the magazines. I then start to write reflections on what I read or on the journal prompts provided, and it's just an overall good time. Speaking of which, one of the magazine articles gave me a great idea! It was speaking about the therapist of one of the authors telling her to turn off her phone for three days for a phone detox. She wouldn't be allowed to use it at all, unless absolutely necessary, like for work or things like that. She was able to decrease her anxiety through having that three day sabbatical, and she was also able to notice a lot more about the world around her without her phone distracting her. I think that would be so cool, so I think I'm going to try doing the same.

I have an app on my phone that can lock other apps for a specified amount of time, and the only way to unlock the apps is to wait it out or pay a penalty in the form of actual money. And while this phone detox app locks other apps, it can also keep other apps unlocked as long as you select the specific apps prior to starting the phone detox challenges. I unlocked work apps and other really important apps like my clock app and calculator, but that's about it. I haven't started the challenge yet, but it's coming. I'm going to start with using it for 12 hours while I'm awake. Then I'll extend it to 24 hours. Then 48 hours. Then 72 hours. If all goes well, I'll try using it for a week long at some point. Could you imagine how much time I'd be saving and using for better things if I had a week without my phone (unless necessary)? I looked at the app and it tells me how much time I've been using on my phone overall. If you saw the amount of time I spend on my phone, I think you'd cry because of how much time I waste staying plugged in. It's really really bad. So I'm going to start doing these phone-free challenges.

Now, there's one more challenge I'm going to start once I get paid this week. I'm going to be doing what I call the "Low-Spend Challenge". In this challenge, I'll be spending my money ONLY on essentials, except for $5 a day that I can spend on anything that I wish. The money can accumulate if I don't spend it, and I can use the money for larger purchases. Over the course of a week, I would have $35 to spend. Over two weeks, I would have $70 to spend, rolling into the next paycheck. I'm doing this because I want to show myself how to live more frugally. Ideally, I wouldn't be spending ANY of this fun money, but I need to be realistic about this, and realistically speaking, I'll need to be taking baby steps. To prepare for this challenge, I'll need to do a spending audit to see where my money is usually going. As I am able to do this, I'll see where I should be more careful with my spending and places that I should be avoiding like the plague.

So Challenge 1: Bella Grace Reading Challenge, Challenge 2: Phone Detox Challenge, and Challenge 3: Low-Spend Challenge

This feels like a game where the reward is me feeling more fulfilled, having more time in my day, and having more money to spend on bills (which is a good thing). So yeah, I'll be doing all of this starting at the end of this week, if not a bit sooner. I'm excited, personally!
tuesday_morning: (Witch Spirit)
You know what I think? I think that maybe I spend too much time in my own head. Thankfully, next week that should be changing for a good chunk of my schedule. I start training in-person at my new job, and while I'm there, I'm pretty sure that I'll be too busy to think about my own mind so much.

I'm excited to start in-person training, especially because I'll be getting more hours to help me with paying bills. And once I have actual caseloads at my job, maybe I'll even be able to get full-time hours, at least until I start my internship next year. Speaking of my internship, I still need to reach out to different agencies to see if I can do my internship with them. I want to do social work that is medical in nature or involves working with seniors. Then, once I obtain my MSW degree, I'll hopefully be able to get employed in a variety of different places and be able to pay off my student loans and other bills. My family says I should try to work with the county as a social worker, and I think I might do that if I can't find work elsewhere. In any case, having an MSW will open a lot of doors for me since you usually need a Master's degree to get any work that pays decently.

But in any case, I think I'm going to be a lot happier once I start at my job because I'll actually be doing good work to benefit other people. In the end, I think that's what I truly want out of life. Heck, wanting to improve the world (or even just my own community) is why I went into social work in the first place. It's not easy work, for certain, but it still allows me to impact the lives of others in my community and, by extension, other lives they may come into contact with down the road.

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