Doing Better

[tuesday_morning]

Hey friends! I'm a little surprised by this turn of events, but it appears that I am feeling better after today's therapy session. I was able to vent out everything that's been occurring over the past three weeks and it was SO cathartic! We went over some coping skills together from the DBT handbook by Marsha Linehan and discussed moving forward in the therapy process. I'm going to seek another therapist that can see me weekly rather than infrequently like right now. It's not my therapist's fault, it's the fault of the insurance I have and how backed-up they are with seeing people with that very particular insurance. Alas, there's nothing to be done about it except for me to find another therapist that might be better able to work with me. I'll be looking for a therapist who can do EMDR and also do IFS therapy too. I'll still be in my DBT group class for the next five months too, so I can keep getting the benefits of DBT like that.

After session today, I let one of my younger parts take over, and she got out the markers for us to start being creative in a new composition notebook we just got! I'll have to print out a nice cover to paste over the cow-print exterior of the journal, but that's besides the point. The point is that I think in order to help de-stress, we need to have more fun! So I'm going to hopefully do more creative and fun journaling starting now! And in addition, we're going to come up with ways that I can take better care of myself, like making a schedule for me to make sure I shower, brush my teeth, clean my room, and other important stuff like that. I think I should also make a list of foods I can prepare in advance so I'm not always eating fast food or eating junk food instead. The possibilities are endless!

And then today I went to have dinner at a local church that gives out food on Thursdays to anyone who wants to eat. It felt SO good to eat hot food made with love and care, and also to talk with someone who felt like she really did care... I love Thursday dinners over there. It's so soothing for the soul to be there on those days... I think I need to foster community more, and that means maybe going to some place of worship on Sundays; any place of my choice, just so I can be with people who love and care about me. I don't belong to any one specific religion, but that doesn't mean I can't still visit as a friend. Besides, this church is LGBTQ+ affirming, which is important to me, so I know I'll be fully welcomed there. And if I don't want to go there, there's still other religious places I can go on Sundays or potentially other days they gather, like a Buddhist temple, spiritual congregations that aren't Abrahamic, and things like that. I just need to do my homework first so I know what I'm working with.

But especially now that things are likely going to change in this country, I think I need to be involved in communities now more than ever, both as a social service professional and as an individual. If I want to make it through the hard stuff, I need people to lean on, even if that just means meeting with them for coffee every once in awhile so I can get to know my neighbors. And not only that, but I really need to keep in touch with my family too. My family is very fragmented and broken thanks to rampant homophobia, transphobia, and abuse cover-ups, so the more mainstream members of my family aren't in the picture... but I still have family and I need to cherish the ones that still keep in contact with and love me. Coming together is going to be my biggest ally, I think, so I just want to remind myself of that. It will also help me to help others too, which is incredibly important to me. So, for better or worse, I really want to make an effort to connect more, both during and after this holiday season.

All of this is to say that I experienced a lot of growth today, sorted stuff out, and can give myself a pat on the back for a job well done regarding getting my emotions and brain back online (aka, cutting back on the dissociation). It's not completely perfect right now, but I'm stepping in the right direction. Just need to keep remembering what is important to me and the many (including myself) who I am doing all of this for.

Thanks for listening everybody. You are all loved. <3