(no subject)

 

Hello friends! I've missed being on Dreamwidth and I've missed all of you even more! My absence has been for good reason though. I have begun Cognitive Processing Therapy (CPT) in order to address some trauma from my past, and during this time I've been spending a lot of time reflecting on where my priorities lie in my current-day life as well as examining why I don't work in the best interests of many of my goals. I've needed to apply myself a lot more in the work that I do, so that's what I've been trying to do. I've been trying to eat healthier, be a bit more active even on my days off of work, and I've been attempting again to motivate myself to stay off of my phone. That last one is still very difficult for me, BUT I'm not giving up yet. After posting this, I'll probably have to go through my phone again to get rid of any unnecessary apps I have on there and maybe change the background to make the phone feel less visually appealing.

Aside from this, I'm also reflecting more on the prospect of what things might be like if I separated myself from the internet more. This means leaving certain Discord servers I don't need to be a part of (or muting them), not being such a blabbermouth online about all of my personal business, and learning to balance my online life with my life offline... Growing up, being online was my only way of being free in an oppressive household where I wasn't allowed to be myself. But I'm an adult now and currently living on my own, so I can't continue to lean on that anymore. It explains things, but it's not an excuse.

When I think of who I want to be as a person in my current life, I see that I still have more work I need to do to improve myself and also encourage myself. I need to be more secure in myself and who I am as a person, and I'd also like to be more patient with others. I want to be assertive and stand up for myself more as well too, and I realize that none of these changes can happen overnight. Even still, I'm trying to plant the seeds and start cultivating these things into my own way of behaving and thinking.

So, in short, I've been absent because of a lot of personal growth going on with me. I hope you've all been well since I've been gone, though. And if not, I hope that things are able to improve soon for you!