Painful Questions [Trigger Warning]
Jun. 19th, 2023 01:52 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
tuesday_morningIn the wake of my maternal grandfather's death, I'm having complicated thoughts and feelings... Some are related to him while others are not. Still, complicated thoughts have decided to resurface once more and it hurts so badly to think about. While I am still thinking about my mom and aunts, the material under the cut is just other thoughts that have decided to bubble up on account of the feelings I've been experiencing since yesterday evening.
I was looking at some posts I previously made on another social media site, and I came across a post that reminded me of my childhood sexual abuse trauma. It's like, I don't want to trigger anyone by talking about it, but on the other hand, I want to shout this from the rooftops until I get whatever answers I'm seeking. Why? Because I have a lot of questions to ask that will likely never be answered, and it bugs the hell out of me.
I guess my biggest questions are "Who did it?", "Why did it happen?", "What exactly did they do to me?", and other such burning questions... Once again, I may never get my answers, so I try not to think of it too much... but with the weekend's recent events, I can't help but ask these questions once more about my own situation. I don't think it's out of a selfish want to turn the spotlight onto myself, but rather because these feelings have been triggered in some form by my grandfather's death.
I think I might have to make a separate post under the IFS filter to try and look at those memories in particular, but for now, I guess I just want to know a lot, and it wounds me that I'll likely never get the answers that I seek.
I was looking at some posts I previously made on another social media site, and I came across a post that reminded me of my childhood sexual abuse trauma. It's like, I don't want to trigger anyone by talking about it, but on the other hand, I want to shout this from the rooftops until I get whatever answers I'm seeking. Why? Because I have a lot of questions to ask that will likely never be answered, and it bugs the hell out of me.
I guess my biggest questions are "Who did it?", "Why did it happen?", "What exactly did they do to me?", and other such burning questions... Once again, I may never get my answers, so I try not to think of it too much... but with the weekend's recent events, I can't help but ask these questions once more about my own situation. I don't think it's out of a selfish want to turn the spotlight onto myself, but rather because these feelings have been triggered in some form by my grandfather's death.
I think I might have to make a separate post under the IFS filter to try and look at those memories in particular, but for now, I guess I just want to know a lot, and it wounds me that I'll likely never get the answers that I seek.
