The Ghost Came Back
Jun. 10th, 2024 02:43 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
tuesday_morningHello dears,
It's been about three weeks since my last post on Dreamwidth. Things have been happening recently in my brain that I needed to attend to first before coming back. Too much noise and dysfunction was happening to the point where I was entering intense pockets of dissociation. In order to cope with what was happening to me in my head, I had to "go away" in a sense by pretending that I was the ghost of a dead girl inhabiting the husk of a body that once held who I was. Playing dead was the only way that I could quiet my mind for the past week. Not even my medications were helping, even with an increased dose of one of them.
Along with pretending to be dead, I was not feeling physically well. I had gotten food poisoning on the first day of illness and continued to feel terrible for the next three to four days afterwards. I slept a lot during that time and was unable to keep even a few sips of water down. I wasn't sure I was going to make it because of how intense this experience was, but I did. Today is now Monday; a whole week since I got sick. I'm starting to return to reality and have put a reset plan in place to help me stay stable now that I'm no longer physically ill.
I think last week I saw my new primary care doctor for the first time. He was polite and offered to get me set up with a local psychiatrist in his clinic as opposed to staying with the one I've been seeing virtually for the past few months. I think that might be best, honestly. The doctor also commented on how the medications I'm on aren't really the best for what I'm struggling with. I want to get set up with a new psychiatrist so that I can get on better medications that will help to stop these constant "peaks and valleys" from happening to me, mood-wise.
A lot more happened during the past few weeks, but I don't want to get into all of it. It would take me too long and might overwhelm me. All I want to say at this time is that I want to make some new goals lists and also get myself some secondhand classic books to read or whatever. I just want to be away from screens as much as possible right now because I was confined only to screens the entire time I was ill last week.
It's been about three weeks since my last post on Dreamwidth. Things have been happening recently in my brain that I needed to attend to first before coming back. Too much noise and dysfunction was happening to the point where I was entering intense pockets of dissociation. In order to cope with what was happening to me in my head, I had to "go away" in a sense by pretending that I was the ghost of a dead girl inhabiting the husk of a body that once held who I was. Playing dead was the only way that I could quiet my mind for the past week. Not even my medications were helping, even with an increased dose of one of them.
Along with pretending to be dead, I was not feeling physically well. I had gotten food poisoning on the first day of illness and continued to feel terrible for the next three to four days afterwards. I slept a lot during that time and was unable to keep even a few sips of water down. I wasn't sure I was going to make it because of how intense this experience was, but I did. Today is now Monday; a whole week since I got sick. I'm starting to return to reality and have put a reset plan in place to help me stay stable now that I'm no longer physically ill.
I think last week I saw my new primary care doctor for the first time. He was polite and offered to get me set up with a local psychiatrist in his clinic as opposed to staying with the one I've been seeing virtually for the past few months. I think that might be best, honestly. The doctor also commented on how the medications I'm on aren't really the best for what I'm struggling with. I want to get set up with a new psychiatrist so that I can get on better medications that will help to stop these constant "peaks and valleys" from happening to me, mood-wise.
A lot more happened during the past few weeks, but I don't want to get into all of it. It would take me too long and might overwhelm me. All I want to say at this time is that I want to make some new goals lists and also get myself some secondhand classic books to read or whatever. I just want to be away from screens as much as possible right now because I was confined only to screens the entire time I was ill last week.
no subject
Date: 2024-06-11 01:55 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-06-11 11:45 pm (UTC)I'm sorry to hear about the food poisoning! I'm glad you are okay now!
Make sure to take time to take care of yourself ~
no subject
Date: 2024-06-12 07:57 pm (UTC)