[ This entry is trigger-free :) ]
On Friday, I drove myself to the Emergency Room for a psych evaluation (at the behest of my therapist) and ended up getting "5150'd", or put on a mental health involuntary hold. Prior to going in, I knew I was likely going to be admitted to a psychiatric facility, so I made sure to pack for the stay. I packed clothes (cutting off or removing any strings prior to packing it), toiletries, and a stuffed animal for comfort. Admittedly, I packed a bit too much, but I was grateful in the long run for packing the toiletries since the kind at the hospital was not designed with quality or curly haired people in mind. ANYWAYS, it began in the emergency room where I slept overnight. In the morning, I awoke to the news that I was admitted and would be transferred to a hospital about three hours away from my city of origin. I was put into an ambulance and driven to the hospital, where they also transported my belongings. I fell asleep several times in the ambulance because there was nothing to do and I had limited movement since I was strapped down to the gurney (just for protocol).
When I arrived at the facility, I was greeted warmly and given some snacks to eat while I filled out some intake paperwork. After doing all the intake stuff, they put a wristband on me that had a tracker on it (just to ensure that the staff could know where everyone is in the facility at all times) and I was able to enter through the doors into the actual ward itself. When I was taken to the specific unit I was going to be in, they gave me lunch and I was made to change into some paper scrubs that they have for patients, complete with some hospital-standard underwear and grippy socks. The nurses also did a skin check on me as I changed for protocol's sake.
During the weekend, I got to make a friend and I saw a doctor. The doctor did intake paperwork regarding my mental health but wouldn't prescribe anything, saying that they would wait for Monday when I could talk to my assigned doctor at this hospital. By the time I saw the assigned doctor, it had been three consecutive days since I was administered any medications whatsoever, so I was not exactly able to think completely clearly over the weekend. I was experiencing heavy "brain fog" and felt like I was trapped in the mindset of a child. It also didn't help that I was so far from home in a place that I didn't know. It was very disorienting and I think in some ways I was dissociating to cope.
Monday came and I was able to talk to my assigned doctor to get some medication administered to me. They needed to titrate me back up on my antidepressant medication, start me on an anti-PTSD medication called Prazosin, and put me on an antipsychotic to help with the mood stabilization. My medications were adjusted several times during my stay at the hospital. Also, on Monday, my 5150 hold was completed and I signed some paperwork to say that I was now on a voluntary hold at the hospital until the doctor would determine that I was alright to send back home. In total, I ended up staying at the psychiatric hospital for a total of ten days. After signing the voluntary paperwork, I was moved to another unit in the hospital and this unit was much cleaner and the people in the unit were a lot nicer, organized, and less overworked. I made the most friends in this unit and I made sure to get their contact information for after we all got out of the hospital to keep contact with one another.
At the hospital, we had a variety of different hot meals and snacks offered to us for each meal and between-times respectively. It felt really welcoming to eat that rather than eating fast food 24/7 as I had been doing prior to being admitted to the hospital. While it wasn't exactly the same as a home-cooked meal, it felt considerate because someone put a lot of thought into the weekly menus, so meals were something I looked forward to during my stay. And aside from that, we had a variety of different groups that we could attend while at the hospital. They didn't force you into groups, however if you want to go home sooner, attending groups and being compliant and open with the medical team is a really good way to get them to send you back sooner. The kinds of groups they had, in no particular order included:
- Recreational Groups: Painting, Watercolors, Pet Therapy, Free Time on the patio, using Fuse beads, playing Bingo
- Therapeutic Groups: Psycho-education regarding a variety of different topics (maladaptive thoughts, mindfulness, the "feelings wheel", grounding techniques, etc.) and Processing group (where you talk about your day or what brought you to the hospital)
Now, as for the toiletry products provided by the hospital, it left a lot to be desired. All toiletry articles came in rippable packets or paper cups rather than containers (for safety reasons) and they weren't very effective. The lip balm gave me a really itchy and bumpy rash on my lips, the soap was to be used as shampoo, conditioner, and body wash all at once (not great for any hair type tbh), and the deodorant gel and roll-ons they had were completely useless. The only thing that was a little okay was their toothpaste and mini toothbrushes. They weren't the best but they got the job done. Also, no flossing allowed in the hospital for obvious reasons. Finally, I got a hairbrush from the hospital for the first six days I was there and the brush was terrible. It took a lot of my hair and didn't even reach my scalp 80% of the time because of how bendy the bristles were. I mourn for all the split ends I probably have now on account of that stupid brush, but I had no other choice.
On day seven, I was finally able to get my hygiene products and my clothes given back to me. The hospital staff couldn't figure out which storage space it was at for three days. Was it in intake, the first unit I was in, or the second unit I was in? Who knew?! All I knew was that it wasn't given to me until I flagged down my hospital social worker (who I rarely got to talk to and was hard to reach even by other staff) and begged her to please find my personal belongings. Only then was I given a few of my clothes and a few books I brought with me.
- NOTE ABOUT BRINGING THINGS TO THE HOSPITAL: Make sure it won't be considered a self-harm risk by the staff. This means no rat-tail combs if possible, no buttons on your clothes, no drawstrings on your clothes, no clothes that could trigger other people (like with violent depictions and such), no underwire bras, etc.
- NOTE #2: Not all hospitals allow you to have a stuffed animal with you during your stay. Unfortunately, at the hospital I went to, they did not allow for me to have my plush bunny. I assume this is because you can hide things in the stuffed animals, but it's hard to say.
- NOTE #3: I had to get approval from my doctor before I could use any of my toiletry items... not sure why, but the permission was granted once I asked the doctor.
While I was at the unit, there wasn't very much to do. We could read books, watch movies or television, and that was about it aside from scheduled activities. We couldn't even go on the patio for sunlight without being accompanied by a staff member, and even then we only went during specific group times for 45 minutes max per outing. I hated being cooped up, especially since the windows in our rooms were all frosted so you couldn't see anything outside of the window. The only thing keeping me sane was making conversation with my new friends and watching movies with them.
...By the way, I wasn't able to make any phone calls until Tuesday when I was able to get access to my phone for a total of 10 minutes. A social worker had to give me my phone and allow me to write down some contact numbers from there. Then I gave the phone back and had to use the hospital phone to make calls. The phone was connected securely to the wall and looked like a payphone, just without the slot to insert money. I made calls to my dad, my brother, my internship, and my work sparingly during my stay. I mostly had to leave voicemails since people weren't picking up, and in those voicemails I left my name, the hospital's contact number, the name of the unit I was staying at, and my three-digit "Security Code" in order for the staff to transfer any call-backs from their end to the patient payphone. HIPAA compliance and whatnot, you know? I was able to connect with my internship and my dad and assured them that everything was going to be okay but that I needed to take the time to recuperate.They were both very understanding and wished me well as I spent my time in the hospital.
I was discharged from the hospital on Monday and the hospital paid for a Lyft that would drive me all the way back to where my car was parked at the original Emergency Room I had taken myself to. The driver was very friendly. He was a man with a thick accent from Cameroon. He had immigrated to the United States a few years prior and, at the time of my drive home, had been back in the US for only a few weeks after having visited some family in Cameroon. He was open about it, and during the drive, he continually pointed out the sights of the mountains and lakes we passed to me. It was a really nice and comforting ride back home.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Now that I'm home, I've been making numerous calls to various places each day. I called my school to discover that I was dropped from both Summer terms for 2024 because the last class I had with them was marked "incomplete". The incomplete grade is a mercy from the department because it allows me to retain my internship hours while also giving me extra time to turn in the overdue assignments for a final grade. It's a pass or fail class, and my teacher says that I have been doing excellently in class, so she has no doubts that I'll pass the class after turning in my assignments. So, because I'm dropped from the Summer terms, I also have to stop attending internship until my school journey resumes in Fall of 2024. My new course completion date will be on December 15, 2024. Honestly, I feel completely relieved that I get the summer off. I was under the impression that I was going to have to do three to four weeks worth of assignments in one sitting upon returning home from the hospital, but this gives me the time to recover and have a break. It's a blessing in disguise.
While I'm off on Summer break, I'm trying to see if I can get my top surgery scheduled for sometime during the break so I can just get it over with. If not, that's fine, but it needs to be in 2024 so that I can use my insurance to get the surgery for free. Because of my inpatient hospital stay, I will be hitting my out-of-pocket maximum once I figure out how much the hospital can grant me in medical financial aid (which was discussed with me and which I applied for the same day upon my return home). The hospital might be able to cover 100% of the out-of-pocket costs, but even if the percentage is lower, it's better than paying almost $3,000 out of my own wallet... and no, that number isn't inflated for dramatic effect. The total bill came out to around $17,900 for the hospital stay in total, but the insurance is only charging me 20% coinsurance. Thank the Lord for that. Anyways, if the hospital covers the costs, even partially, it will still count towards my out-of-pocket maximum and afterwards, I won't have to pay one more cent for co-pays for medical appointments, medications, or anything else. This is why I'm trying to hustle for the surgery now. If not, my alternative is to switch to a better healthcare plan when open enrollment happens again in November 2024. If I do that, I can get the surgery in my hometown with the one doctor who does it, and she accepts only that kind of insurance, and the co-pay would be very minimal. Those are my two options henceforth.
Anyways, now that I'm free from school for a bit, I'm going to look into getting more hours at work. I'm giving myself some days off during the week, but I think it would be good for my wallet to get more hours. I can't afford to pay bills with my current hours anymore now that I don't have student loans going towards my bills as well. I'll make it through this, though. It's going to be okay, so long as I'm still breathing and alive.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
